LAUGHTER IS GOOD FOR YOU!!

Funny FridayNot So Famous

Paul Newman founded the Hole in the Wall Gang Camp for children stricken with cancer, AIDS, and blood diseases.

One afternoon, he and his wife, Joanne Woodward, stopped by to have lunch with the kids. A counselor at a nearby table, suspecting the young patients wouldn’t know Newman was a famous movie star, explained, “That’s the man who made this camp possible.  Maybe you’ve seen his picture on his salad dressing bottle?”

Blank stares.

“Well, you’ve probably seen his face on his lemonade carton.”

With that, an eight-year-old girl perked up and hesitantly asked,  “How long was he missing?”

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If you like to read, be sure to order some books from http://www.GoodShortBooks.com. Good, delightful, affordable books (mostly non-fiction) for adults and kids! eBooks, too!

These books will help with your concerns about relationships, parenting, bullying, children’s education, etc.

And they make GREAT gifts!!

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FUNNY FRIDAY – July 5 – July 11, 2019

Funny FridayFUNNY FRIDAY

Me, Too!

While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch.

After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip.

When leaving, the woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn’t miss them until they had been driving for about forty minutes.

By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around, in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.

All the way back, the husband became the classic grouchy old man.  He fussed and complained, and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive.

The more he chided her, the more agitated he became.  He just wouldn’t let up for a single minute.

To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant.

As the woman got out of the car, and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her. . .

“WHILE YOU’RE IN THERE, YOU MIGHT AS WELL GET MY HAT AND THE CREDIT CARD!”

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If you like to read, be sure to order some books from http://www.GoodShortBooks.com. Good, delightful, affordable books (mostly non-fiction) for adults and kids! eBooks, too!

These books will help with your concerns about relationships, parenting, bullying, children’s education, etc.

And they make GREAT gifts!!

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FUNNY FRIDAY – Week of June 28 – July 4, 2019

Funny FridayToo Drunk!

An Idaho State trooper pulled a car over on the freeway, a little bit north of the Idaho/Utah State line.  When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a magician and juggler and was on his way to Boise to do a show at the Shrine Circus.  He didn’t want to be late.

The trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling and said if the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn’t give him a ticket.  He told the trooper he had sent his equipment ahead and didn’t have anything to juggle.

The trooper said he had some flares in the trunk and asked if he could juggle them.  The juggler said he could, so the trooper got five flares, lit them, and handed them to him.

While the man was juggling, a car pulled in behind the patrol car.  A drunk from Southeastern Idaho got out, watched the performance, then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in.

The trooper observed him and went over to the patrol car, opened the door, asking the drunk what he thought he was doing.

The drunk replied, “You might as well take my butt to jail, ‘cause there ain’t no way I can pass THAT test.”

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If you like to read, be sure to order some books from http://www.GoodShortBooks.com. Good, delightful, affordable books (mostly non-fiction) for adults and kids! eBooks, too!

Books make GREAT gifts!!

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FUNNY FRIDAY – June 21 – June 27, 2019

Funny FridayFour Husbands

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time.  The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband’s occupation.

“He’s a funeral director,” she answered.

Interesting,” the newsman thought.

He then asked her if she wouldn’t mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.

She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years.  After a short time, a smile came to her face, and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her 20’s, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40’s, and a preacher when in her 60’s, and now—in her 80’s, a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

 

(Wait for it, wait for it. . .)

 

 

She smiled and explained. . .

“I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.”

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If you like to read, be sure to order some books from http://www.GoodShortBooks.com. Good, delightful, affordable books (mostly non-fiction) for adults and kids! eBooks, too!

Books make GREAT gifts!!

 

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FUNNY FRIDAY – Week of June 14 – June 20, 2019

Funny FridayRetiree Health Message

As I was lying in bed pondering the problems of the world, I rapidly realized that I don’t really give a rat’s hiney.  It’s the tortoise life for me!

1.  If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
2.  A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, and is fat.
3.  A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.
4.  A tortoise doesn’t run and does nothing, yet it lives for 150 years.  And you
tell me to exercise?  I don’t think so.  I’m retired.  Go around me.

God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Now that I’m older, here’s what I’ve discovered:

1.  I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
2.  My wild oats have turned into prunes and all-bran.
3.  I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.
4.  Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
5.  Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
6.  If all is not lost, where is it?
7.  It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
8.  Some days, you’re the dog; some days you’re the hydrant.
9.  I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few.
10.  Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
11.  Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
12.  It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.
13.  The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you’re in the bathroom.
14.  If God wanted me to touch my toes, he’d have put them on my knees.
15.  When I’m finally holding all the cards, why does everyone want to play chess?
16.  It’s not hard to meet expenses. . .they’re everywhere.
17.  The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
18.  These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter. . .I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I’m hereafter
19.  Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.

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If you like to read, be sure to order some books from GoodShortBooks.com. Good, delightful, affordable books (mostly non-fiction) for adults and kids! eBooks, too!

Books make GREAT gifts!!

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FUNNY FRIDAY – Week of June 7 – June 13, 2019

Funny FridayCaught Speeding

Woman:  “Is there a problem, Officer?”

Officer:  “Ma’am, you were speeding.”

Woman:  “Oh, I see.”

Officer:  “Can I see your license, please?”

Woman:  “I’d give it to you, but I don’t have one.”

Officer:  “You don’t have one?”

Woman:  “Lost it four times for drunk driving.”

Officer:  “I see.  Can I see your vehicle registration papers, please.”

Woman:  “I can’t do that, either.”

Officer:  “Why not?”

Woman:  “I stole this car.”

Officer:  “Stole it?”

Woman:  “Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.”

Officer:  “You what?”

Woman:  “His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want
to see.”

The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and
calls for back up.  Within minutes, five police cars circle the car.  A senior
officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half-drawn gun.

Officer 2:  “Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please?!”

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Woman:  “Is there a problem, sir?”

Officer 2:  “One of my officers told me that you have stolen this
car and murdered the owner.”

Woman:  “Murdered the owner?”

Officer 2:  “Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car?”

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2:  “Is this your car, ma’am?”

Woman:  “Yes, here are the registration papers.”

The first officer is stunned.

Officer 2:  “One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.”

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out her wallet, which is open to her license and hands it to the officer.  The officer examines the license and looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2:  “Thank you ma’am.  One of my officers told me you didn’t
have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked
up the owner.”

Woman:  “WHAT!!  And I betcha the lying IDIOT told you I was speeding, too!”

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If you like to read, be sure to order some books from GoodShortBooks.com. Good, delightful, affordable books (mostly non-fiction) for adults and kids! eBooks, too!

Books make GREAT gifts!!

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FUNNY FRIDAY – May 31-June 4, 2019

Funny Friday

Kids and Their Teachers

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl replied, “Well, when I get to Heaven, I will ask Jonah.”

The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to hell?”

The little girl responded, “Then you ask him.”

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If you like to read, be sure to order some books from GoodShortBooks.com. Good, delightful, affordable books (mostly non-fiction) for adults and kids! eBooks, too!

Books make GREAT gifts!!

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