Spreading Good News (Post 773 – FUNNY FRIDAY: “Retiree Health Message”)

The goal of Spreading Good News is for readers to:

GET INSPIRED and/or GET MOTIVATED and/or GET INFORMED and/or GET AWE-STRUCK and/or GET A BREAK FROM ALL THE NEGATIVE NEWS and to tell readers about our good, short books and our online store.

 

CLICK THE “BE INSPIRED!” BUTTON (ABOVE) TO VIEW OUR BOOKS AND OUR ONLINE STORE!!  In our online store, we have “World Peace” and other great merchandise, as well as “Meaningful Messages,” which are unique greeting cards that address serious issues, including incarceration, terminal illness, and heart-to-heart cards.

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CONSTANT QUOTE

 

 

IT’S BETTER TO DIE CHASING A DREAM NEVER CAUGHT THAN TO DIE NEVER HAVING CHASED THE DREAM.  ~ Joyce Fields

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BESIDES YOURSELF, WHO ELSE HAVE YOU BEEN GOOD TO TODAY?  ~ Joyce Fields

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THE ANTI-BULLYING PLEDGE

It’s FREE and available at http://www.GoodShortBooks.com!  A useful and very effective tool against bullying.

Gives kids something to live up to–their own pledge!

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TODAY’S BLOG

It’s “Funny Friday!”   I hope this one will add another smile or laugh to the beginning of your weekend.  It was sent to me by my cousin, Pat Eddings.

FUNNY FRIDAY

Retiree Health Message

As I was lying in bed pondering the problems of the world, I rapidly realized that I don’t really give a rat’s hiney.  It’s the tortoise life for me!

1.  If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
2.  A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, and is fat.
3.  A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.
4.  A tortoise doesn’t run and does nothing, yet it lives for 150 years.  And you
tell me to exercise?  I don’t think so.  I’m retired.  Go around me.

God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Now that I’m older, here’s what I’ve discovered:

1.  I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
2.  My wild oats have turned into prunes and all-bran.
3.  I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.
4.  Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
5.  Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
6.  If all is not lost, where is it?
7.  It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
8.  Some days, you’re the dog; some days you’re the hydrant.
9.  I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few.
10.  Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
11.  Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
12.  It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.
13.  The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you’re in the bathroom.
14.  If God wanted me to touch my toes, he’d have put them on my knees.
15.  When I’m finally holding all the cards, why does everyone want to play chess?
16.  It’s not hard to meet expenses. . .they’re everywhere.
17.  The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
18.  These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter. . .I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I’m hereafter
19.  Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.

 

CLICK THE “FOLLOW” BUTTON ABOVE TO RECEIVE AN E-MAIL ALERT FOR EACH NEW, DAILY POST!!

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Share your comment about this post.

 

NOTE FROM JOYCE:  If you enjoyed and/or learned from this blog, please leave a comment and send the link to others.  Thanks!!

If you’re interested in reading all about “My Breast Cancer Journey,” those posts start with post #334.

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~ Joyce Fields

 

ADDITIONAL OFFERINGS FROM JOYCE FIELDS

Joyce is an author who has written eight books.  If you enjoy this blog, you will, undoubtedly, enjoy all her books.  Her sister, Anita, is also an author.

BE INSPIRED!  You can read about and order their books AND order merchandise from their online store at this link (or click the “BE INSPIRED!” button above):

https://lineofserenity.wordpress.com/get-more-inspiration/

Thanks for your interest AND support!!

Contact Joyce at goodshortbooks@yahoo.com.

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SOME OF JOYCE’S FAVORITE BLOGS

I visit these blogs and leave comments regularly.  I think you will enjoy them all!

http://www.lenasledgeblog.com  Books, reviews, give-aways, interviews.

http://www.living4bliss.com  Believing Life Is Set up for Success (BLISS)

http://www.goss-coaching.com/author/gosscoaching  A professional writer and wellness coach helping people connect thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and action to create optimal health and a vibrant life.

http://www.thebirkineffect.com  Musings of a “want it all” 21st century woman

http://www.thesweetsensations.com  A baking, entertainment, and lifestyle blog.  Fantastic recipes and food photography, too!

http://www.pennilessparenting.com  A rich life on minimum wage.  Plus fabulous, healthful recipes!

http://www.rumpydog.com  I’m a dog with a unique perspective on human life.

http://www.davidkanigan.com/  Lead.Learn.Live.  David Kanigan:  Inspiration, Ideas & Information.

http://www.callingoftheheart.wordpress.com  Spirituality, Psychology, and Political.

http://www.petedenton.wordpress.com  Writer of short stories, Flash fiction, and some scripts.